How Do You Make the Pain Go Away?

When you’re in labor, there are muscles that work together to get the baby down and out. Those contracting muscles, or contractions, that you feel are functional. They have a purpose. They are the means to the end. I’ve read that when you get the epidural to dull the pain, labor often becomes less effective because the muscles aren’t able to work as hard. I’m trying to think about pain this way right now, think of it as necessary.

Yesterday, I found out that a very good friend has been in a coma for two weeks and doctors don’t think that she will ever wake up. For my own therapy, I want to talk about this friend with you so I’m going to rewind the story to my first year here. I had absolutely no friends and I found a site, similar to a dating site but for moms, at the time called Mom Meet Mom. I have a lot of social anxiety so meeting people in person is often difficult for me. I once witnessed my daughter playing really well with another kid and when I tried to hand the mom my phone number, she looked at me like I was insane. Meeting people online is my favorite way to spark relationships.

I found this local girl who had a child close in age with mine and reached out to her. She seemed incredibly nice so we got together at a local park. We talked about all of our favorite things, music being one of them. We both enjoyed rock music and somehow got on the topic of the band Staind. The real spark happened when, at the same time, we said that “Mudshovel” was their best song so that’s always been our inside joke together. We hit it off and started hanging out all the time. Her young son and my children became best friends.

We would go out to Applebee’s and talk for hours. It was so nice for both of us to have a break together. She came to all of our parties and watched the kids for me when I went away and my mom couldn’t do it. I threw my sister a baby shower and she came for support. She didn’t have to but she did it because she cared about me and my family.

I won tickets to Frozen on Ice from another blog but my husband was working so I invited her to go with me instead. We packed up the kids and headed to New York City. We had such an awesome time at the big Toys ‘R Us and our cute little hotel that was more like a little apartment. It was the first and only time I’ve ever gone away with a friend, actually.

In November, she had cancelled a few play dates on me so we weren’t talking as much. I would text her and let her know I was thinking of her and her little man but she was a bit distant. When we invited her to a birthday party the next month, she explained that her asthma had been out of control and she’d been in the hospital a couple of times. Having lost another friend to asthma a few years ago, I know how serious that can be. We talked a little bit but I looked forward to talking to her at the party.

At the party, I saw her briefly staving off a tantrum from her son and I said hello as I literally ran to the bathroom but I didn’t mention to her that’s where I was going. When I came back, she had left the party. I thought maybe her son had an accident or he was just too tired to be interacting with everybody. She wasn’t answering my texts so I went to message her on Facebook and saw that I was blocked.

I couldn’t get a hold of her at all. She was like me with her anxiety and desire to avoid confrontation. I was pretty sure that she felt like I was ignoring her but she didn’t want to fight so she walked away. I used to do this same thing. I cried for three days, wishing she would have talked to me about what was happening. I let it go, I conceded that everything happens for a reason. Still, I knew that she had left a bracelet at my house and that when I felt the time was right, I was going to her house with that bracelet and hope that this would link us back together. She would see that I cared.

It’s been about three months and last night, her boyfriend reached out to me. He told me that two weeks ago, she had another asthma attack. While the ambulance was on its way, her heart had stopped beating for nine minutes. They were able to revive her but she’s been in a coma since and the doctors don’t think that there’s a chance she will wake up. That doesn’t even sound real when I say it. That sounds like something from a medical drama on television. That can’t be my friend.

Her son is only four years old. He’s beautiful, he’s loving, he’s funny, and he deserves his mommy. I would love it if everyone would pray for this family. Pray for a miracle for her but also pray for her son and family, no matter what happens.

I keep trying to take my mind off of the pain. I’m praying, listening to worship music, and I’m trying to distract myself. Sometimes I think we are supposed to feel pain. The pain does something. This pain is making me think about my relationships. If I had only taken that bracelet to her sooner, we would have mended what was a misunderstanding in the first place. I want to take this pain I’m feeling and present to you your own relationships. Is there someone that you are estranged from? Would you be okay with it if they might not be here tomorrow? They say “life is short” but it feels like some cliché motto until you really feel it.

I want to challenge you to go out and make up with someone right now. Whether you just had an argument with your husband over dishes or you haven’t spoken to a family member in four years over something that isn’t even relevant anymore. Go hug your loved ones and please pray for my friend and her family. Thanks for listening.

I love you, Ashley.

2 thoughts on “How Do You Make the Pain Go Away?

  1. Really touching story. I’m sorry to hear you had such a painful experience. Thanks for sharing and for the advice.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *