I’ve been a mom for a little over a decade. (WOAH!) With ten years and five kids under my belt (well, they started under my belt, anyway!), a lot has happened. My parenting has evolved from child to child, as their personalities are different. I change with them but the guilt remains the same. Am I doing this right? What if I’m not? Could I ruin their whole entire future with one wrong decision? There’s no way to really tell how things are going to look 10-20 years from now. Which is why I want to say something to everyone who told me I have “good kids”…

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You have no idea what it means to have that moment of reassurance from someone on the outside, people who see the result of the love and the decisions you’re making.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the judgment of those who are privy to how you run things. It’s also easier for them to judge in the moment without considering how it’s working for your family. Every older, wiser woman you’ll meet will tell you not to care what people think and we try, but for some of us, people’s comments are little mites that burrow deep down and live there. Then, they feed your guilt and fear that you’re doing something wrong.

My mom actually cried and told everyone we knew that she felt it was the worst thing in the world that my kids were making their own sandwiches for lunch. Even though I felt extremely confident in this decision that I actually made because I disagreed with how she did it when we grew up, her comment mite joined all of the others deep down and caused me to question myself. It’s been five years and I can still feel that comment mite emanating this ugly green odor of guilt and fear.

Comments like these can be totally fleeting, like the time that a woman apologized to me for her messy house and I made the typical “You’re not alone, me too!” comment to bring her assurance. She immediately retorted, “Oh, well mine is definitely cleaner than yours!” I’m not even sure she knew she said it, but the mite definitely found its way to me! I try and try to keep up with my house, kids, and work but it’s most certainly a juggle that feels impossible.

My point in saying all of this is that your words matter. Your compliments may not kill the mites but they definitely climb in and yell at them, giving off their own freshness to try and clear the air. You make me realize that I can’t possibly be doing everything wrong!

So to the people who have paid for our meals because our kids were so well-behaved during dinner, thank you. To the people in church and the ones who stop us in public just to tell us they noticed our brood, thank you. Even to the neighbor down the street who meant it to be an insult, thank you. They may not be angels 100% of the time and I haven’t figured out how to tackle all of this fighting they do with each other (ANYBODY?!), but we are trying because we love them with all of our hearts.

This really isn’t limited to parenting either. I make it a point to tell people that I am proud of them and how their lives have turned out. I tell moms how polite, smart, or kind their kids are but I also tell people how great they are. You are working hard and I notice you. You are seen and you are good and you should be proud of yourself. The best and simplest thing to pay forward is encouragement.