Being a young mother of soon-to-be four and three of them being girls, I’ve heard all kinds of comments whether said to me, my husband, or things I’ve heard from friends. I thought I should offer a little help with the etiquette on this one…

• “Oh wow, I bet your husband is dying for boy.” “Congratulations on finally getting a boy!” “Aw, your poor son with all those girls.” “Aw, another boy?” “Are you going to keep trying until you get your girl?” Or any gender-related comments. Not only are you making the parent feel insecure but if the children are present and can understand, likely they now feel completely unimportant. That parent is thrilled to have happy and healthy children and if a little part of them does sting because they don’t have the gender in which you’re referring, well you just made it worse so thanks for that salt in the wound. Also, consider that they may have experienced the loss of a child. Yep, now you’re that guy.
• Commenting on a pregnant woman’s size: just don’t do it. Say “Congratulations”, “You look gorgeous!”, or even just “Aww” but don’t tell her that she is huge, looks like she is due any day, or that you think she is too small for that gestation (making her question the health of her baby). You would never tell a non-pregnant woman that she was huge, so why start now? And the same goes for touching the belly of a pregnant woman…if you wouldn’t walk up to her and rub her belly, why on earth would you do it now? Unless you have an invitation to touch the bump, remember basic rules about personal space.
• “You are getting ‘fixed’ now, right?” “This is the last one, right?” “You need to have another!” Don’t try to make reproductive decisions for other people, it’s not your place. Whether they are “one and done” or they want thirteen children, whether they want to make permanent alterations to halt any future pregnancies or they want to have intercourse bareback for the rest of their lives, it’s not your business at all. It’s actually just weird to be asking a question like that!
• “You sure have your hands full!” This one might not bother everybody but I find it annoying. People have said it constantly since I had two children and I just think in general, being a parent is a handful. It’s part of a lifestyle that some people rather enjoy and prefer which also applies to the next one…
• “Oh, you are so young to have X amount of children! When I was your age I was partying/getting around/traveling/snorting coke/insert things people think all people your age should try here!” Not everyone’s preferred lifestyle is the same. I never had the desire to party or do drugs or the money to travel and I absolutely love being a mommy and wife and wouldn’t have it any other way!
• Comments on someone’s parenting decisions, period. I think it’s safe to politely educate someone on a topic but don’t surprised if the response is negative. People generally don’t like to be told how to do things. Anything regarding safety is worth it, in my opinion.
• If a woman is approaching her “due date”, don’t be up her butt about whether or not she’s had the baby. Dates aren’t guaranteed and she could go well past 40 weeks if she’s not interested in induction, many women do. She knows she’s still pregnant and she doesn’t want to be reminded, plus she’s probably busy, exhausted, or both. More times than not she’s going to fill you in when the baby’s born, so why nag her? Let her gestate in peace!
• Telling your birth horror stories or those of your mom’s friend’s aunt’s roommate. I know that we’re a society that loves to thrive on the negative but unless your story was requested, there is no reason to try to intimidate or scare the expectant mother. She should be hearing positive affirmations at a time like this, try to be that for her!
• Anything discouraging. Don’t tell people that they can’t have a natural birth, breastfeed, ever sleep again, etc. Again, this is a time for positive affirmations but also, you might be making a fool of yourself. She can do anything she puts her mind to but it’s definitely a lot harder to do without support so try to lend your support, no matter how skeptical you feel due to your own experiences or myths you’ve heard.

 

I know I’ve missed plenty…what else can you think of?